I puked a lego.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
