I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
