Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
