Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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