Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
