We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to stop coming to work sober
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
don't judge my taste in strippers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize