You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
