its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
