Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So many bounce houses so little time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
