Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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