I'm drive I can fine osifer
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
