No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
