Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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