i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
