Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
