she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
