So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i need an iv and a liver transplant
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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