If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
