I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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