people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
