Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
