I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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