He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
