There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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