Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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