Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
