you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
