Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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