Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize