soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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