Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
