i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
