My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
