This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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