i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
