he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize