i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
