It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize