In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
