FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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