Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
