Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
