i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
