I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Houston, we have a squirter
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
