Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
MIDGETS
????
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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