How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
