i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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