I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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