You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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