Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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