We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize