so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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