I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
