My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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