i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I deserve this hangover.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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