there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
