AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
