Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize