You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sex in a hospital.. check
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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