he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
