I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
