New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
