this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
