Where is the hickey?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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