so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
