The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
