I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
