So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He did a backflip because drugs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
