At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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