hotel room ftw
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
