I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
