apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
