i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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