I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
