Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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