So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
