Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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