i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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