Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
