Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this boner is exhausting
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
