when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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