i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
