tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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