he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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