Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
