i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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