haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
