your room smells of hookers.
And success
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
