I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Are we still banned from the library?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize