enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you didnt know i had herpes?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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