My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How naked do you want me to be?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
