Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I puked a lego.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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